Wednesday, February 13, 2008

2.13.08 So sorry

Well ladies...my plate is overflowing a bit. We finally spoke with our realtor today about selling our house (great timing huh?) and I am a bit overwhelmed with all that goes into doing that. In addition, we just found out that my darling baby boy, Ethan has been diagnosed with AD/HD combined type. I'm having HUGE mom guilt that although the signs and symptoms have been there for so long, it took him falling behind in school drastically for me to finally see our doctor. I've know that this diagnoses was probably coming for sometime now, but hearing that your baby (ok, he's 8, but still my baby) has a problem that will effect him for his entire life is just so hard.

I am happy that we finally know what is "wrong" so to speak and we see our doctor tomorrow about our options for him - my dearest wish is that whatever we decide to do for him that it helps him catch up a bit. The schools here in Hawaii are not the best to begin with, and we're moving to a top 10 school district in New Jersey, so the transition is already going to be hard...

Whatever... it's 12:43 a.m. and I haven't even begun creating anything for you all today much less saving the files, zipping them, uploading them, writing the post, putting out the previews to other sites etc. etc. I know that I promised "daily" freebies, but WOW...life has hit me a bit hard today...

I know that you all will understand, 'cause that's just the kind of people you are, thank goodness! LOL I'd love to hear from any other moms out there who have been where I am...any resources or sites that you can recommend...I'd love to hear it all!

Sorry for the lack of freebie...thanks for hanging in there with me anyhow!

Much aloha!

Shauna

Click HERE to check out one of my VERY favorite "freebie hunters" the Ikea Goddess... I love her taste in freebies and perhaps you'll find something you love there!

27 comments:

Tropical Storm Jenessa said...

i am sorry that you have so much to deal with right now. i hope you went straight to bed after blogging!

i haven't dealt with ADHD since my ex-boyfriend, but i can tell you that rest assured, he can catch up, in fact excel given the right circumstances. and that he can certainly be a very productive member of society as an adult (my ex is a computer dork - ie C++ etc.).

my niece has a learning deficiency and my mom has talked to her school about it and they helped her out with special classes (not to be read as special ed, they are additional classes, more like extra study) once a week and my mom found her a tutor. the biggest thing that is going to help your son is finding someone who can help you help him - someone close by.

i loved NJ! i used to go there every summer and every other c'mas when i was little (cherry hill specifically). quite a drastic change all around from hawaii though.
i wish you all the best - and thank you for all the tutorials you have provided and the lovely freebies - you are a very generous person and there is no need to apologize for missing a day - or heck, even a few days or whatever you need to take care of yourself and your family. we'd rather not have freebies than read about you being sick or over stressed because of us!

Rarole said...

Shauna,
Just want to jump in there and ease your "mother guilt". Lots and lots of kids who have the combined AD/HD get treated and do GREAT! In fact, many excel. Seems to my small understanding that many of these special kids are gifted. Your son is gonna do you proud. You just watch.
And "MOVING"! UGH!! I am in the middle of it too. From France back to the states - and not to my home states "NJ & PA", but to NC. I will have to learn another language (*smile*).
There is a lot to do in moving from such a great distance - I am in your corner. Don't expect too much from yourself and then start the 'guilties' in other areas. Moving is HARD. And to help your family adjust takes time. Give it your best - we will all still be here when the dust has settled and the curtains are up. You are too good for us to let go and head off somewhere else.
Well, the boxes are calling. Did I say that moving was HARD? Well, it is. {{hugs}} Carol

Barbara said...

Hi Shauna -

Wow, your blog hit me really hard tonight, seems like yesterday I was standing where you are - My son is graduating from HS this year (OMG) I still can't believe I'm 36 and my "baby" is graduating. When he was 8 and falling behind in school I finally "listened" and went to the doctors and even though I knew it was coming you could have knocked me over the head - The guilt was the worst - "did I do something wrong, are my "genes" defective, why didn't I do something earlier. It was horrible and not knowing where to start and what to do was the worst. UGGH, it took me over 2 years to find out that I had to "request" the disability handbook from the school -can you believe that they don't just give it to you- and then I read it and my eyes OPENED -(and I figured out why they didn't want to just hand it out - you'll see) My son was entitled to the best education out there for FREE!! (there is sooo much more) - Also, make sure that you READ the ADA - (americans w/disability act). If you have any questions email me :) There are times when you are going to have to go to bat for your son - Not everyone will be supportive or helpful. Just remember there are others of us out here standing behind you (ADA) Just to fast forward a bit - My son, who God Bless, him turns 18 on monday and is graduating from HS -has made straight A's this year - :) he works a full time job while going to school and will be starting college next semester - you have a lot of decisions to make - medicine (we decided not to) , schools, after school activities, etc. Don't feel pressured to make all of the decisions right now, you are going to feel like the schools, doctors etc are going to "press" you to make decisions ASAP - take your time, these are big decisions. And remember he's YOUR baby :) you know what's best for him. Look at him, he's gorgeous, give him a big kiss and ask him what he wants to be when he grows up and when he gives you a big long list of what he wants to be smile because at the end of the day he's only little once and everything that you are going through right now will pass by in the blink of an eye - God Bless

missy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
missy said...

Shauna, now that you know, you can do all that is needed to be done for him! Your son is going to be great and your family will flourish!

I was just thinking this morning long before your post that I don't see how you can even do the daily freebie! To me it is hard work and you are just incredibly generous and fabulous to spend time on such quality freebies and tutorials for the rest of the people out here in digiland! It's more than fine to give yourself a break!

May there be many more blessings to you and your family ahead ... you deserve it! Your generosity will come back around to you, I just know it!

PS Good luck selling the house too!

Jody said...

Oh Shauna, I am so sorry you have so much on your plate right now. My prayers are with you and your famly - in particular your wonderful son.

After reading the posts above I can se you will have a lot of support from your blog friends. These are people who have been through what ou are ow facing and have a wealth of advice and encouragement to give you.

My daughter works with ADHD children using her Music Therapy degree skills and sees tremendous progress with the children particularly in their ability to concentrate and finish a task. Music is a wonderful for for learning.

While I will miss your outstanding tutorials, I fully understand how you must be feeling and only want you to be with your family and use your energy to work through this. There will be times when you will just want to get off by yourself and create and when those times happen and you wish to share with us that will be wonderful. We ill always be here to support you.

Take a deep breathe and try to relax. May your move go well and your family settles in to life in NJ as smoothly as possible. I am sure you will find a wealth of resources in the NJ school system to help you with your son through the years. Meanwhile we will sit back and continue to check your blog for udates on how things are going and maybe even a little tutorial here and there!

Anonymous said...

My son is ADHD also, and the best thing I did for him was get tutoring on the things he was behind on, and get an IEP set up with the school so they will give him the help he needs in school. I know it all seems overwhelming now (I know i felt overwhelmed), but you all will be fine. We also had him tested for learning disabilities, which helped ALOT. Sounds scarier than it is, but it helped identify how he learns DIFFERENTLY, and how he will retain what he learns the best.

There are quite a few good websites that will help you. These are ones that I like. http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/ADD/judy/index.html

http://www.additudemag.com/resources/directory.html

This is a lady local to me who has GREAT info on how to deal with the school systems.
http://www.iepadvocate4you.com/

Good luck.
Terri

Susan said...

You just deal with life Shauna...we all understand and will be here when you have time. I don't think anyone here expects daily freebies. Life is just too crazy for that. I know I appreciate anything and everything you post...even if it's only once a week. It's quality...not quantity. ;-)

As for your son...been there done that with my middle son (who will be 23 next month). It didn't stop him at all....it made schooling a bit more difficult because he also has an extremely high IQ...the ADD combined with his IQ made for a boring day at school for him and we had a hard time "keeping" him motivated & focussed but he made it & is now running his own successful computer business.

It can be tough to deal with at times...but it's all worth it in the end. They're worth it!

Lisa said...

Life is so much bigger than freebies, girl, so know that the vast majority of us will understand tahth! We just moved last year, and that is a HUGE task...I don't envy you! Pile on top of that the news about your baby (my baby is almost 8 also!), and that is SO much to handle! You will be in my prayers, and don't worry about us here. We'll be waiting for you when you can return to us...after the real priorities in life are taken care of! Here's some {{{hugs}}} for you!

Ms. Kari said...

Oh you are so fired for not providing a freebie.
OK, WHY are you stressing over not having time to make a freebie when umm LIFE happens? We all have a life outside of scrapping & we all understand sometimes things happen. And I've read thru the comments & I think everyone else is right there with me. DO NOT STRESS OVER NOT POSTING A FREEBIE. PLEASE!!!! Those of us that read your blog for what you write will still be here & still read. Those that are just after the freebie, well, they can deal.

OK, off my soapbox now. My oldest son (who is 13 now) was diagnosed with ADD (same thing, without the hyperactivity) when he was in the 4th grade I want to say. We did go with medication but he only takes it during the school year. But it's very noticable when he's off it. He can't stay on track. He's in the advanced program in school, & at our last parent/teacher conference his teacher that he has for STAR (advanced classes) told us that she noticed he was being distracted easily & he took steps to remove himself from the distraction. She's got a very unorthodox classroom. Shane got on the floor to do his work. It worked for him. he still has a problem with big assignments - he sometimes needs help getting everything broken down into managble pieces. Does that make sense?
OH, and ya'll are military, right? Look into the exceptional family member program. it helps determine when ya'll get stationed based on if there's a doctor that is qualified to treat him. our oldest & youngest are both enrolled. Oldest for ADD, youngest for being born with a clubfoot & needing a pediatric orthopedist.
Good luck in everything & let me know if ya'll need any thing!!!! If you're ever on Hello, my ID is MsKari. {{{{{huggles}}}}}

Bec said...

I have known others children who were diagnosed AD/HD and I think the best thing as far as school is concerned is to take it one thing at a time, but always stay right on top of the teachers and environment he is surrounded by daily. There may be a few bumps in the road but he will do fine with loving care from everyone to guide him. In order to help him the most you have to be sure to take care of Mom too though.

Ms. Kari said...

And please know I was being sarcastic when I said you were fired for not posting a freebie!! lol

Shannon said...

Hi Shauna,
I wanted to drop you a line to let you know that you shouldn't feel guilty at all! My younger brother (now almost 18) was not diagnosed until he was almost out of elementary school. He has asthma and so the school and his Dr just wanted to blame his difficulties on his asthma meds (we lived in NM so our schools are worse than yours). Sean is doing better now and there are so many options available now! Work collaboratively with your new school and doctors and your little boy has every chance to be successful! If you haven't already, find out what your new district offers as far as IEPs (Individual Education Plans) and check into the Other Health Impaired category options as well – once Sean fell under the OHI category, things seemed to get easier for him as far as school goes. Sending hugs of encouragement to you both!
On a different note, I used one of your paper tears and the tutorial – thanks so much! If you'll email me at nadyasmommy at gmail dot com, I have a RAK for you! :)
Shannon

PhyLLis said...

I have had no experience with any type of learning difficulties involving any of my near and dear ones, but I can appreciate your anguish and feelings of guilt - you have always struck me as a very strong person, tho, and I know you will get a handle on this and do everything humanly possible to help your son succeed - he's so lucky to have you! We love your freebies and tuts, and they are so worth waiting for - take care of your life for now and come back to us when that life allows, we'll be here. Love and prayers...PhyLLis

Cheryl H. said...

Hi, I am a SAHM of 2. My 13 yr old was diagnosed with AD/HD in 4th grade. I can tell you from experience the worse thing I did was NOT admit there was something wrong. I waited so long and fought so hard to keep him off medication that I did more damage than the ADHD. My son is now on medication and in therapy to learn how to deal with his emotions and the "quirks" of ADHD. He has been tested academically and is listed as "gifted"-most if not all children with ADHD are, they just have trouble processing the information in a linear path. Instead of a straight train track, their brains can work like a train switching station- the thoughts can go in a lot of directions! Structure is important to them as they cannot impose it upon themselves. DON'T feel guilty or ashamed!!!! The parents who say their child is "just rambunctious" and doesn't help them should! I have dealt with this for over 4 years with my son, my husband has been ADHD all his life but was only diagnosed as an adult and I have a 7 year old who will be getting evaluated soon. Prayers and thoughts are with you. If you would like to contact me directly I would love to help in any way I can (casharper@hotmail.com). Take care of your family and yourself- we will wait for the freebies.
Sincerely, Cheryl

KEP said...

Hi Shauna,

Please don't stress out about not putting up a freebie everyday. Your blog should be the least of your worries. You have an incredibly full plate already what with your son's needs, selling your house, and moving. Do what you need to do in those areas and blog when you have opportunity. Those people who visit you on a regular basis will totally understand and be supportive. Those who don't, well, who cares about them anyway. :) Don't forget to take care of yourself as well. That's important too. Have a great day.

Photomama said...

Sorry to hear you are overwhelmed - I hate it when life has to get our attention - lol - I know you are having to cope - but there are lots of great things to be learned about AD/HD - I went to a doctor - thank goodness she is local - but has done much study on just this condition.
http://www.blockcenter.com/ADD_ADHD/About_Dr_Block.html

She has even done this with her own son because she did not want him drugged - Basically she says some (not all that I am aware of) this AD/HD is caused by food allergies and how we react to the foods. My daughter has adverse reactions to MSG and believe it or not chocolate - even though she does get some - I watch for changes in her mood when she has had some.

Keep your chin up and become an informed mom.

Photomama said...

http://www.blockcenter.com/ADD_ADHD/About_Dr_Block.html

Sorry some of the earlier link was omitted

krista said...

No worries!
Hang in there...one day at a time! Both moving and anything with your kids are huge! You have great advice from comments above and I totally agree with many of the tips. We've been there too, but actually did not get the diagnosis the teacher implied was obvious. Anyway we are doing great now and with time it will settle! Hugs your way!

fl_connie said...

Hey, Shauna - just a note to say "hang in there" and send some ((hugs))

Marie Williams said...

Everything that everyone has said above is so true - and take it from someone who has been where your son is - as well as where you are - it can be a true blessing in disguise - I am the most productive and creative one in all y immediate family and we all attribut it to my - disability isn't quite the right word since for me it has never been. Take it slow and easy - write if you like elemmar1@comcast.net Marie

Suzanne said...

Hi Shauna! Just dropping by to give you a big *HUG* on this special Valentine's Day! Thank you so much for making this more super because of your efforts.

I am happy to see many people who are supporting you and sharing their experiences. I hope you gain strength from their stories. :) I believe you are a good and strong mother. Ethan is SOOOOOO BLESSED to have YOU.

Take care, girl! Hang on!

Jessica said...

Hey girl! I read your blog all the time and I just had to tell you that I have ADD and actually, my husband does, too!! I was diagnosed at 13 but we never really followed up with a treatment plan. I didn't think much of it until about 14 years later when I was at my wits end not being able to understand several stumbling blocks in my life, mainly career related, and it just 'clicked' - I really DID have ADD!! I've been on medication for 3 years now and I don't know how I functioned without it. I'm not perfect by any means - but I will tell you this: you and your son are so lucky to know this now. Being untreated for all those years left some pretty deep emotional scars regarding why I couldn't just 'be normal' 'stop talking' 'follow through' 'settle down', etc. etc. Even people, such as my husband, who had a fabulous home life (I, for one, did not which made things worse besides the ADD!) can have lingering negative effects from being undiagnosed. Even after being diagnosed and starting meds about 2 years ago, he struggled with getting down on himself for not doing things the way he thought they 'should' be done.

One piece of advice that's high on my list: be careful from who and where you get your information from - there are tons of opinions out there, especially on this topic, so make sure you're sticking to sources that are reputable and authoritative in the medical field. They don't have to be proponents necessarily, b/c truth is truth whether we agree with it or not, just make sure it IS true!! Check out CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder)- they are GREAT and have lots of local resources, too.

Hang in there, girl! I'll be keeping up on this topic!

Anonymous said...

Wow! Sorry to hear that Shauna. My son is 2 1/2 and already showing signs of something going on in that area. I feel for you and I too have been avoiding getting him diagnosed. Anyhow, I want to wish all well in your move, and hope that treatment goes well for your son.

Di

Scrapping Mom of 5 said...

My oldest who is now almost 25 was also diagnosis ADHD at about the same age as your son. He spent another year in public school. The medication at the time just seemed to make things worse for him. He became even angrier and impulsive. He hated me and wanted to run away. I was ready to send him. We decided to try homeschooling. He was a homeschool grad in 2002. He is now finishing up his masters in Missions and World Christianity. He plans to either find a position in Africa or a go to seminary to be ordained. People who know him know don't believe what a handful he used to be. You can still tell when he's over stressed. He's leg will bounce. It took about 3 years for him to really get a handle on but slowly but surely he improved.

Sue said...

Just found your blog, love the Grateful Papers, thank you so much.
I am stepmom to Tom who is AD/HD, he has been on medication with reasonable success, he did struggle with his education but is now 17 and at college doing a chef's course (he always loved cooking). He announced this week that he was FIRST to hand in his written assignment!
Wishing you and your family all the best, hope the move goes well.

Becky said...

I just discovered your blog and I have been on here all day having so much fun downloading your lovely work and reading your fun words. I have to pipe in here and give you a hug. I know how you feel. My son was diagnosed as ADD (no H, and I had no idea there was a ADHD with no H!!) after he flunked out of his Sophmore year in college at the age of 20! I felt awful. How come I didn't know that a child didn't have to be hyper? I asked myself. Everything fell into place after the diagnosis and I wondered how we didn't see it. I let the guilt go and help him as much as I can. He is 26 years old now, getting married in June and is back in college. Things work out. While Mothers are wonderful, we still are only human. ((Hugs)) Your son will be okay. You are amazing!!